The Myth of the Nice Guy

The myth of the nice guy is not as simple as "Nice guys finish last." No, the problem goes much deeper than that. In today's society the role of masculinity is taking a dramatic turn. Gone are the days of the macho, carnage loving, chauvinistic examples of manhood that dominated culture. Nowadays we have hipster, eco-friendly, equal opportunity types of males that are destined to take over the world one-app-at-a-time.

I just saw "21 Jump Street", coincidentally, and in the movie Channing Tatum's character Jenko must go back to school in order to infiltrate a growing drug ring that's starting with the students. His job is to get in with the cool kids, since he was a cool kid in high school, which seems easy enough. Unfortunately he's faced with a dilemma, cool kids here are different from when he was in school, and he doesn't know how to navigate this new change in society. "It's backwards...and it has to be stopped." he effectively says, afraid of what this transition will mean for him, but also bringing forth a moment of laughter from the audience.

I'm not using 21 Jump Street as an example of what's happening in today's culture so that we can stop it, cause the truth is we couldn't if we wanted to, but only because it was a funny coincidence. However the more that I think about it the more I see the similarities.

I originally wanted to write this post in response to the mindset that I've seen in guys the past couple of years. They claim they are not the typical man. They don't watch sports, are skinny, and know all the lyrics to their favorite Disney movies. Yet this mindset is being embraced in retaliation to any male who would ever think of laying a hand on a woman in a violent manner, or who has ever used a woman for their own benefit. Nice guys, with all their insecurities, are aware that they are not "manly" by society's standards, but also believe in their hearts that they are more of a man than men ever were.

But this isn't a commentary on the change of manhood as perceived by culture, because those studies have been done before, where most of them can point towards the ever evolving depiction of men doing manly things within cinema throughout the decades. Cool kids are different nowadays, but that doesn't make them less or more cool. Cultures change.

The funny thing is, that once you go beyond high school, everyone realizes they weren't as cool as they thought they were, nor are the kids they looked up to. We were all just kids...

So it's strange that we as men would believe that this shift in mentality is actually any different from what men thought in other eras. 

I say we because I claim to be a "Nice guy." I'm the same as other nice guys my age. I don't really pay attention to sports. I don't seek out the gym that much. I focus more on art and creativity than anything else. I'm sensitive and emotional at times. I empathize with women and probably have more in common with them than I would any "typical" man. I could go on-and-on. The point is that men nowadays are embracing more qualities that would have been considered "feminine" in the past, and this is something that tends to make them think "we're not really men." Blame it on the fact that 50% of millennials grew up without a father, like me, or you can blame it on Glee, like Jenko did. I don't care what's to blame, but there is no denying that society has noticed.

That's why commercials have centered around men being men while using the right body wash, razor, cell-phone, or car insurance. TV shows have that typical male who is over-confident, womanizing, and naturally awesome. Society is trying to bring back an older definition of "man" by making it cool, and holding on to these fading ideals. Unfortunately you can't stop it, because young girls adore a nice guy; whether it's because they can probably play an instrument or enjoy writing in journals, I have no idea, but manhood will always bend to the will of what women demand.

And there in-lies the myth: Nice Guys are what women want.

I've noticed this more in the christian community than anywhere. Girls believe it, and so do the nice guys themselves. They are constantly aware of the brokenness of yesterday's society and are fighting against it with passion. Young males who love Jesus are being honest about their addictions to porn, advocating against human trafficking, and subverting the mentality of what older males used to believe men were supposed to be like as leaders. There is a lot of good in what they are doing, and women are taking notice and loving it.

The problem is not that I disagree with what nice guys are doing; the problem is that they are defining manliness completely wrong, and just because they are changing society doesn't mean it's any different from before.

Just because you are sensitive and creative, doesn't make you more or less of a man. Whether you watch sports, play video-games, or enjoy doing yoga barefoot on top of a mountain, these are not qualities that define what a man is. The problem is that we believe that we are re-defining what manhood/masculinity are all about when in reality we're just representing a difference in perception of the same desert. We may be fixing the mistakes of past generations, but in the end we're no closer to the oasis. Just because there is a difference in culture, doesn't mean there's a difference in character.

Let me repeat that...

This is a struggle of Culture VS Character.

Whereas culture means a change in perspective and the style of how a certain society does things, and character tests who an individual really is.

Where this applies to the myth of the Nice Guy is also why I believe all guys are douchebags. Just because you are more sensitive doesn't mean you aren't capable of hurting a woman. Just because you can be best friends with girls doesn't mean you appreciate them more. Just because you are a good listener doesn't make you a better man. You can still be a nice guy, by cultural standards, but still be a jerk, by standards of character.

The defining line between boys and men, in truth, are a lot harder to change.

Boys are selfish, prideful, and foolish.
Men are selfless, humble, and whatever the opposite of foolish is. (The Bible would say "wise" but I'm sure that's open to interpretation.)

I've seen grown males who are still boys by this standard. They care more about their cars then they do their own wives. They take pride in their sports teams and their political parties. They are foolish in believing that the world must cater to their needs because they work the typical nine-to-five and drive a company car.

These are not men. These are overgrown boys.

My generation has seen this, and have attempted to fight against it. This is why society is in transition and cultures are changing. Yet I've seen young males who care more about their broken hearts than they do their own friends. They take pride in their beliefs and their mission statements. They are foolish in believing they can be saviours to many broken women because they can empathize with heartbreak and know how to give proper hugs.

These are not men. These are boys who will never grow up.

Each culture has their pros-and-cons, but the underlying factor still remains in the selfish, foolish, prideful characteristics that tend to plague males of all generations.

Women believe they want a nice guy based off of the douchebags they've met/had experiences with in the past. They believe chivalry is dead because guys are just all around jerks and have no concept of romanticism; yet they fall for the first guy who can show hints of romance without understanding that this is just a douchebag in disguise. Chivalry is not dead because guys no longer greet you with flowers or hold open the door for you. It is dead because guys aren't adhering to the Knightly Code of being generous, selfless, humble, and all around servant leaders.

Look up chivalry. You'll find it has less to do with romance than you might think.

Girls need to stop demanding nice guys who will listen to them, hold them, and watch the same romantic-comedies that they do. Nice Guys need to stop believing that they are better men just because they aren't macho, chauvinistic, or believe that women belong in the kitchen.

And for God's sake stop putting yourself down just because you don't conform to what society believes is "Masculine" by saying "I'm not much of a man" or buying into the commercials/tv-shows/movies that represent masculinity completely wrong. Thinking too low of yourself doesn't make you aware of the differences in manhood, it's just making you more insecure, and that's self-destructive. Don't mistake humility with thinking too low of yourself, because that's just another form of selfishness - in either case you're just thinking about yourself.

The myth of the nice guy is that we believe we are better men than those other douchebags, but the truth is that we're not. Trust me. I'm a nice guy and I've still been a douchebag to women in past relationships. I've hurt them and been selfish, foolish, and prideful in my time with them. The truth is that I wasn't a nice guy at all, I was just a culturally different type of male, and I was a boy who didn't want to grow up.

Peter Pan is my favorite fictional character of all time. I even claim to be Peter Pan sometimes.

But the story of Peter Pan is actually about letting kids be kids while they are children instead of making them grow up too fast, and not about NEVER growing up.

If you want to be a man, and a true nice guy, then you need to grow up. Stop being selfish. Put aside foolish things. Practice humility. This is the mark of a real man, and the obstacles you have to constantly overcome throughout your lifetime. Stop worrying about the cultural differences, because tomorrow that may change, but focus on these character traits and you'll notice a difference that will last. Teach this to your bros. Whether you like sports, cars, comics, video games, coffee shops, bars, organic, red-meat, or etc - this isn't about culture, this is about character. 

Women: Demand this of your nice guys...in fact...demand this of all guys...and don't fall for their manipulative schemes.

(When I first thought about this blog post I was simultaneously going through "the character matrix" in my Gateway College Small Group with Eric Bryant. Some of those terms and teachings have since bled over to what I intended to say here, but can be used for anyone who wants to dig deeper into their character - not only nice guys. If you'd like to learn more about the character matrix please feel free to join our discussion group in South Austin, TX on monday afternoons, or you can pick up the book UPRISING by Erwin McManus which includes the character matrix within it. I hope you enjoyed this.)

Thoughts? What are nice guys doing right? Is there still room for "typical men" in today's society?

Red Flags

Figure 1.1Oh red flags. If only they could physically show up like this one did here. Even just a tiny one, right over the shoulder of the person you are desperately wanting to date, would make things so much easier. Unfortunately red flags aren't as easily noticed, and so they are much easier to ignore.

I shared this image with a friend the other day. It's a comical yet clear example of what the single-but-wanting-to-date experience is sometimes like. I think it's genius. Then I figured, after my last post, it would be fun to list out my own red flags.

Over the past couple of days I've had a good amount of conversations with other guys about our red flags, and I encourage you to do the same. There are a lot of general flags out there that most everyone should be aware of.

If she speaks positively about Jersey Shore, for example, or if she has too many duckface photos. You know, things most guys can agree on.

However let me stress that the list I'm about to present strictly pertains to myself and my past experiences. Not all of these will be something you might relate to, but I still hope that you find them helpful, or even humorous. These are phrases, qualities, or actions that I've seen before, ignored, and consequently lived with the mistakes. These are my personal lessons learned. Basically, if I were to encounter a girl who expresses anything on this list, I would be forced to drop everything...and simply walk away.

List of my red flags:
1. If she says, "I haven't seen my original hair color in years."
I'm not against girls dying their hair. I understand. You're bored. It's a change of pace. Exciting. Whatever. But if you've forgotten your natural hair color then there's something wrong. Either you're uncomfortable with the way God created you or you're a CIA Agent with twenty aliases. Regardless I'm not willing to deal with those issues.

2. If she says, "All my friends are guys." or "I just don't get along with other girls."
I've mentioned this one before. What I really don't understand is how all girls pre-judge all girls by saying all girls are judgemental and petty. Get it together ladies.

3. Swooning.
This also includes having a bigger crush on Ryan Gosling than I do.

4. If Her go-to music includes anything by Ke$ha, Gaga, or Madonna.
Do you even know what real music is?

On a side note: if you get all of your advice from Cosmo, this is also grounds for me to walk away.

5. If the thought of dating me upsets you because you "can't wear heels anymore."
She broke up with me because of this. Need I say more?

6. Anything that Jocelyn says.
Jocelyn is the girl I'm interested in. Only problem is that everything out of Jocelyn's mouth is a clear red flag. I think Jocelyn is totally awesome and incredibly attractive; unfortunately Figure 1.2 basically describes how I feel with Jocelyn every time I see her.

Also, Jocelyn is not her real name.

7. If I can cook better than her.
I'm not sexist, I just happen to know my inadequacies. Cooking, cleaning, and finding my way around the grocery store just happen to be a few.

8. Terminal Homesickness.
Some girls miss home, and some girls metaphorically die if they haven't been home that weekend. Seriously, who wants to date that kind of person? Live in the moment. If your heart is somewhere else then you should probably stay there, and take your whining with you.

9. If she prefers texting to talking on the phone.
Basically, if you keep asking your friends "What does he mean when he says [insert obviously straightforward statement here]?" then we're probably going to be in trouble.

10. If she actually seems to genuinely like me after 10 minutes
I wasn't going to include this one because it seems pretty self-depreciating. Unfortunately it's true. If a girl seems interested...MORE than interested...and we barely know each other, I'm flattered, but the truth is she's probably crazy. Experience shows that these don't last, or there's something else that needs to be looked into. I tell myself, "wait...hold up...Why?" and look for the other red flags. This is especially true if she's pretty.

Honorable Mention: If she hasn't seen Star Wars.
(While not necessarily a red flag, it is a cause of concern.)
This also includes, but is not limited to, The Lord of The Rings Trilogy, and the canceled Sci-Fi series Firefly. You need to watch them, and you need to like them. Case Closed.

Figure 1.2

So there you have it. [Some of] my red flags.

I tried to keep them light and quick, and since I'm being as specific as possible I figured they wouldn't need any more explanation. However I do believe I'll expand on some of these in the near future. Regardless I hope you enjoyed this.

Also, if you'd like to see more from Wes Molebash, you can go to his blog here: http://www.wesdraws.com/. I also recommend You'll Have That as it was one of my favorite comics and what originally introduced me to Wes.

So what are some of your red flags? Share below!

Swooning Before Marriage

I think we've all been in this situation - and by "we" I'm using the guys as an example here. You take your girl to that new release movie, one you know she will like, and you are having fun. The lights go down low. You're sharing popcorn (well...not me...I'll be hoarding my junior mints) and the opening titles start to play. Suddenly there he is, that A-list, chisel jawed, wash-board-abbed actor with the winning smile, and you can sense it before it happens. You can feel it in the wind...which is strange...because you're in an enclosed movie theatre...and you realize you made a fatal mistake. It hits you like a ton of bricks. You weren't prepared for this.

Your girl tenses up slightly. There's a smile on her face, and her eyes get wide. Then, almost instantly, she relaxes everything all at once, and her grip slackens, almost spilling the popcorn in the process, and she lets out an audible sigh.

This - ladies and gentleman - is called a swoon.

A mere 1.03 seconds.

And yet the effects can last indefinitely.

Here's the unfortunate fact: This is not an isolated incident. Statistics show that 83% of all females in that same theatre just had a similar reaction. The other 17% wish to claim "he's not that great" and instead wait for the curly haired best friend to come on screen.

True story.

I'm hesitant to say that this is a pandemic, I don't want to alarm anyone, but something has to be done. And ladies, before you think I'm being a little one-sided here, let me even the playing field.

While discussing the issue of swooning with one of my colleagues, who shall remain nameless, I used the example of Olivia Wilde as a woman whom guys have a weird fascination for. An obsession, if you will. No sooner had her name escaped my lips when he reacted. His eyes closed shut. He let out one of those weird sighs. I felt like I was intruding on a moment, and contemplated leaving him alone for a few minutes. I paused, waiting for him to come back to reality, and when he did it was as if he had to physically force himself back.

That was a swoon.
(And it was slightly awkward.)

Guys. Girls. My experience with the swoon has hardly been pleasant. I've had girlfriends who have swooned other guys, mostly actors, musicians, or other public figures, and each time I feel insignificant. I feel a little less confident. It breaks me down little by little.

But why is that?
How could such a small gesture have such a huge impact?

Well to answer those questions I am going to address the common misconceptions associated with the swoon. Then I will talk about the swoon as it was meant to be.

1. I know what I like.
My friend in the previous example is very logical, and he has a lot going on in his head. When I called him out on his swooning ways he justified his reaction by proclaiming, "It's not that I was oogling/wanting/lusting after [Olivia Wilde], it's that she possesses a certain quality that I like in girls, and I know what I like."

Now there is nothing wrong with knowing what you like. Everyone has their preferences, their attractions, and I don't believe there are two people who are the same in these areas. In fact, I encourage people to determine what it is they want/like in a person they would want to date BEFORE they start dating. Don't be dead set on all of those things, know what you can compromise on and what needs to be there, and always pray about it and be willing to be surprised. God wants to hear what you like. He takes pleasure in your pleasure.

However, when you swoon after someone, it is not about what you like, it is about what you want, or what you don't have. Your mind may be able to justify those actions, but in these cases it is your heart that is making the decision. Contrary to popular belief, our hearts can act without our minds knowing, and it is saying what it cannot live without. It is reacting to what you think you want. What you think will ultimately satisfy you.

I'm going to get back to this.

2. But I'll never have 'that'.
Most girls will try to justify their swooning by claiming it's unrealistic, and admit they are never going to meet that particular person. While probably true, you are still opening up the world of "what if" in the mind of your significant other, and as most people in relationships can attest to, the "what if(s)" never have any redeeming value.

I'd like to believe that you'll never meet that very attractive, obviously "unrealistic" actor/actress you see before you, but what if you did?

Maybe you'll never meet that exact person, but what if you meet someone who's close enough?

Your heart obviously desires certain things, so what if you could have it?

What if?

The truth is: we will never live up to the "what if(s)".

3. You have to admit, he/she is pretty.
This is the worst one for me, in that I think it is outrageously naive. Yes, he or she is very attractive. I get it. In fact, this is Hollywood. Studios are banking on the fact that you'll find these people attractive. It's why we watch these movies in the first places. Movies are supposed to look pretty, and so are the players within them. Everything about this is pretty so you can like them, empathize with them, and maybe even want to be them. Worse case: you enjoy looking at them so much that you will see any movie with them regardless of the subject matter.

Yes, I will admit that he IS pretty, and yes I MIGHT have my own man crush on Chris Evans, but why must you react in THAT way? Why swoon at someone just because they are beautiful?

Swooning doesn't say, "He's pretty."
It is saying, "What I wouldn't give to be in the same room with him, alone, right now. My panties would drop so fast they'd be halfway to China."

Yes. I have heard that last one before.

...

You see, we believe that swooning is insignificant. That it is no big deal. It is nothing to worry about. But for the other person, swooning can cause a whole slew of unforeseen problems. I don't mean to sound trite by saying that one could feel threatened, but it's true. Swooning is threatening.

For me, it can cause me to second guess myself, or a relationship. It makes me believe that I am not good enough, and that I am not what the other person wants. I begin to compare myself to that actor, whom she doesn't even know, and I take stock in the qualities that he possess that I do not have. When I see those same qualities walking the street, in our groups, or amongst our friends, it can cause jealousy that I don't even want to be there.

Swooning is anything but "No Big Deal."
And before you try to cover it up with "But he's not you"...know that it is too late.
The damage has already been done.

Even when you don't have someone you can hurt in that manner, you must know that it's still dangerous to an extent. I go so far as to say that swooning is covetous in nature. It is your heart saying that you want what you don't have. It projects a desire that craves satisfaction. The more we want it, the more we search for it, and the more we come out empty handed. It is coveting because that person isn't yours, and you are treating them like property, because you would do anything if only you could have it.

...

I want to switch gears for a second and admit that swooning, under the right circumstances, is not a bad thing. Swooning, in fact, is actually biblical.

The first man, Adam, when he saw Eve for the first time, called her "woman". "Woman" in the original Hebrew actually means "mine", and he was claiming her as his own.

He was swooning.

In the Song of Songs the man speaks of his beloved, naming all the qualities she possess that he enjoys. Her eyes. Her hair. Her skin. She does the same in return, revelling in something so simple as the way he walks.

They are swooning.

But these are cases of swooning within a certain context. God created Eve specifically for Adam, and it is safe to say that they were meant for each other and no one else; at least in their case. The two lovers in Song of Songs proclaim their desires only for each other, after having waited for so long, and even warn their friends against "awakening love before it is ready" because they should keep in mind the person God has for them, and not go chasing after people who are not theirs.

When they swoon, it's towards the person they've found, whom they feel called to, and not towards random people they know absolutely nothing about. They are swooning because they enjoy the thought of having one another. They are swooning because as they learn more about the other, and they love what they discover. They are swooning because it is natural to want what God wants to provide.

And let me reiterate that there is a difference between noticing when someone is pretty, and swooning. I'm not the first to admit that men are visual creatures, and women are increasingly becoming more so. We notice beauty. We notice when someone is pretty. We are attracted to what we are attracted to. The difference comes in when we do more than just take notice. For proof of this, especially with guys, you only need to look at the effects pornography has on our perception of women, dating, and marriage in this current age.

The truth is...I have an abnormally strong mindset when it comes to this topic...and yet I probably wouldn't be as adament if women in my past had swooned for me even half as much as they did towards celebrities. So this is kind of personal for me, but can you really blame me for that?

I want to a girl who lights up when I enter the room. I want a girl that, when she hears my name, sighs because I possess qualities that she likes. I want a girl that for a moment, for a brief second, for a blink-of-an-eye fleeting instant, can think of no one else she would rather have but me.
That would be ideal.

But I'll admit, I've swooned after girls because of certain qualities before, and I acknowledge that it was wrong of me to do so. It was selfish of me, and it gave me the impression that I was in control. I wasn't trusting God to provide for me. I believed I knew better what I wanted. I was piecing together a fantasy that reality couldn't keep up with. I was looking at other women, and basing that as the standard that my future girlfriend/wife would have to compare to, and that's just not fair to her; to either of those women.

So I'm choosing to catch myself before the swoon. To take every thought captive. To check my heart even when my mind tries to justify. I will know what I like, or what I find attractive, in a woman, and I'll pray and give these things up to God. I will have him know what I want, but I will trust in him to know what I need, and to know better the things that would make me swoon that I may not have even experienced. I will wait for a girl to come along, whom God tells me to pursue, and I will swoon to my hearts content, always being sure to let her know that she is someone special to me. And someday, God willing, when I see her walking down that aisle in her white dress...

...I will call her "woman".

(So what are your thoughts? Do you think there's a problem with swooning or over-reacting to guys and gals on screen? Are we perpetuating misconceptions of what we think we want, or not trusting that God might know better? Are our perceptions of the opposite sex being misconstrued? Leave your thoughts below.)

Cutting Out Procrastination

Last week I had breakfast with my friend and mentor Benjamin Sledge. After some french toast and a little catching up, I began to tell him about how horrible I was doing in school. Lately I've been so busy with ministry and things that homework really didn't seem that important to me. This was a relatable issue for him, not too long ago, when he first started getting into ministry and serving, and especially after he got married. The familiarity to him was that I was stretching myself too thin. I had taken on too much and eventually I would start burning out. The important lesson he learned while going through the same situation was how to prioritize things. "I always thought it was God, Wife, Ministry, then myself. When in reality it's supposed to be God, MYSEFLF, Wife, and then ministry." He would go on to explain that I needed to take care of myself before I could take care of other people, and it's possible that I would have to cut some things out of my daily life.

"You can't be afraid to let people down. God's going to work whether you're there or not."

This was probably some of the best advice I had received in a while, and yet there was something missing. I didn't feel stretched. I didn't feel like I was on the edge of burning out. I was having fun. I was doing a lot of things that I had wanted to do for a while. I had a purpose. I felt accomplished. I WAS cutting something out of my life, but that something just happened to be school.

And that's when I realized that Ben was right, but it wasn't that I was taking on too much, it was that my priorities were all out of whack.

Ministry had become a lot to me within the past few weeks. I was devoting everything I had - time, resources, and talent - into ministry, and overall I wasn't doing much for myself. More importantly ministry had taken a priority over God; in fact, ministry WAS my God. I had inadvertently mistaken serving in the church with putting God first, and it was affecting how I interacted with the rest of the world.

Once I discovered this I immediately made some changes. I began to prioritize myself, and I stopped making excuses. The one thing I needed to cut was procrastination. This is what was actually hurting me. So instead of hanging out with friends or working on something for the church as I usually do, I started doing the homework I had been neglecting the past few weeks. I started to apply myself in the areas of my life of which I had committed to. I avoided going home, because for some reason the one place I won't do my homework is at home. This resulted in some very long nights at coffee shops, and a few gatherings, get togethers, or events that I would have to miss, but overall there was a LOT getting done.

I was a machine.

Once I was all caught up I realized that my problem had nothing to do with "not having enough time." I had plenty of time to do everything that I wanted/needed to do. My problem was time management and the harmful fact that I was just wasting it.

Truth be told. I was being lazy.

The most important change I made, however, is still one I'm struggling with the most. God is still required to come first before myself, my friends, or my ministry, and yet that's the hardest one to figure out. I hadn't realized exactly how much I was neglecting Him or our relationship. That days would go by without me acknowledging him or weeks before I would open my bible or talk to Him. This was the real tragedy in all of this, and I knew that I needed to put Him first if I was ever going to accomplish what He has for me to do.

So this shift in priorities has given me an ample amount of time to still finish the work that needs to be done, allows me plenty of time to work on my relationships, and still manages to give me moments of rest. All this because I've effectively cut out procrastination, and not allowing myself to make excuses or put things first that ultimately don't matter. I've allowed God to work even when I'm not around, and I'm trying my best to continue putting Him first so that I can ultimately do well what He provides for me.

It feels good.

Passion VS Perfection

It has been at least three blog posts since I first mentioned I was auditioning for the Gateway Central Band. Wanna know how it went? Of course you do. That's why you're here.

Well auditions didn't actually go so well. It's not that I, or anyone else, performed poorly or there was a lack of talent in the room, but some behind-the-scenes logistics and feasibility disallowed anyone to actually make the team. The same concerns, however, were the cause of the original music team leaders to step down after three weeks. Without going into any details, after a change in leadership we finally witnessed a full band this past Sunday, and after about seven years of hoping, waiting, praying, preparing, & trying I found myself on stage singing some of my favorite songs.

This was an accomplishment. This was a step in the right direction. But I want to tell you something...

It was terrible.

After so many years of singing ONLY in the car or rocking out at some random karoake parties, getting used to a microphone and sound system is not exactly easy. It was probably the worst singing I've ever done in my life while on stage. Trust me, I've watched the performance on video, and I wondered what made me think I could do this. Having heard from plenty of my friends in the aftermath, however, I sure didn't think I had done so bad. People believed I was good. The band was a success, and everyone was really into it. I got so many compliments about myself (and the band) that I almost believed I was at the wrong church. What was it that they were so into? Were they just being nice to me?

Artist Complex aside, the truth is that I do need a lot of improvement, but I wasn't cringeworthy. I know God has given me a gift, and I know it hasn't been a lie my entire life. I'm not perfect, and I will never stop progressing in this area of my life. However, if it's one thing I was encouraged about from Sunday Night, after talking with close friends about what they "really" thought of the performance, is that they noticed my passion. I did exactly what I wanted when I got on that stage: connect others to God and to engage Him in worship without worrying about the words or my voice.

There's something to be said about passion.

Because nobody's perfect.

Everyone who has ever had a gift that they've pursued always struggled at the beginning. They got it wrong sometimes. They finished last. They walked out embarrassed. No one got it. Dreams were shattered.

And yet where there's passion, God can still do something. God can still work with your failures. He can intercede in the brokenness.

This is what I felt like He was telling me. Even though I wasn't perfect, my heart was still in the right place, and that's all that matters to him.

It seems that we're always looking to be perfect. In this technological age where we have the means of seeing all types of feats, all with a simple google search, we are constantly seeing the best of what the world has to offer. We no longer compare ourselves to ourselves but to others who have mastered the craft in which we are pursuing. We strive to be so much like them that we believe that anything less is simply...bad. To make matters worse, I go to a church that takes pride in their music (perhaps too much), and they are known for having professional musicians with a knack for quality. I'll be honest, the music is the first thing I noticed about Gateway Church - it's that good - when I moved to Austin two years ago. So for me to have to get on stage and live up to that...it's a lot of pressure.

Honestly I'm not that good, and I don't know if I'll ever be, but God showed me last night that I don't have to compare myself to anyone else. He believes in something bigger than that. My passion, my heart, can make up for where I was lacking.

Don't get me wrong. There's no substitution for Talent. I'm not saying that if you want to sing on stage but you can't carry a note that your passion will make up for it. God still creates people with unique gifts and potential.

What I am saying is that whatever you ARE called to do, stop striving for perfection and strive for passion. Know that there's always room for improvement. You are always going to be working on your craft. You'll always be experimenting and finding new avenues to explore. Mastering comes with time, but you will NEVER be perfect; especially at the beginning. Your heart, why you are doing this, is the most important aspect of any gift you've been given.

Maybe I didn't do so well the first time. That's ok. Because it was never truly about me. Worship was always about giving back to God, connecting with Him, and engaging Him intentionally while encouraging others to do the same. I prayed about this before going into it, and I let all my anxieties go, turned it over to His will, and He in turn reminded me that He's going to work through me no matter how much I might screw up. (He may have even gone so far as to show others in the audience, through me, that they don't need to be amazing singers to connect with Him.)

Next time though...I'm going to kill it.

The Single Boy's Fascination With The New Girl

I wanna talk about community for a second; more specifically, I want to talk about single guys within small groups. You may have heard of "small groups" before. They are the new way for Christians to get involved with each other. Essentially they are communities of people, normally of similar age brackets, having authentic relationships with one another and "doing life" together. Now I'm not going to sit here and knock on Small Groups. I love my small groups, and I think they work, and as a member of Gateway Church, which makes it a goal in pointing members towards small groups, I'd also have to consider myself an advocate. However there is one thing I've noticed in small groups, especially with college aged students, that I felt like addressing this week:

Single Boys and their fascination with the new girl.

(Disclaimer: Everything I am about to say in this post I feel like I have the right to, because I am/was a single boy with a fascination with new girls, and I've experienced it all first hand. True story.)

Picture it. A boy is heavily involved with his small group, a bunch of college student guys and gals that he has gotten close to within the past year and a half. Some of the guys he knows like brothers, and the gals he considers like sisters. He's struggled with being in broken relationships in the past. He's made mistakes he's not proud of, but he's past him now, he's been forgiven, and with the help of mentors and other guys he's learned how to have healthy relationships. Moving on he's gotten close to some of the girls. Some of them he may have talked to in the past, and others he may have even tried dating. Some he has gotten to know so well that he's already convinced it would never work out, and others he's entertained the thought but he doesn't believe he's ready to make that step. In any case he's weighed his options with all the girls at one time or another, and not because he's joined this group just to hook up or to find a wife, but because it's the smart thing to do.

It's justified. These girls are good Christian women. They love Jesus. They also have a community that is helping them grow and they're making good progress with their lives and moving forward with God's will. The guys have seen the girls grow, and the girls have seen the same thing. Ecclesiastes says in one verse to grab hold of what's in front of you, and to not focus on wandering desires. So it's with good reason that the boy pays attention to the women around him, that he has become friends with, he knows well, and shares the same beliefs as he does. When it comes to potential in a future wife - there's no better pool around. However he doesn't believe he's found the right one yet, and whether it's because he's not ready or God just hasn't told him to pursue anyone yet, he still remains single.

Then in walks the new girl. She's pretty, wants to get involved, and best of all - she's alone (and by that I mean she didn't get invited by another guy or come with her boyfriend.) This to single guys is equivalent to a new video game to kids. The boy has gotten used to all the girls in the group. He's not sure he sees any of them in his future or whether or not he wants to pursue any of them. He's doing what God wants for his life, sure enough, but the one thing he's always wanted, everyone wants, is to one day find that special someone. Except it hasn't happened yet, and it doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon, but this...

This is something new.

Guys will not admit to this, but when the new girl enters a group, it's an exciting change. It's our chance to start a new connection, and make a good first impression. In the back of our minds we're all thinking, "Could this be the one?" and before the end of the night all the guys will have found a way to migrate over to her.

This is potentially hazardous for a couple of reasons.

For one, there's a hidden competition that the guys might not even be aware of; because it's a subconscious thing. Every boy wants to be the first to get to know a new girl. They want to learn as much information about her before the other guys get a chance. So when another dude mentions something to his bros about the girl in question, the other can say "yeah I know" as a way to potentially "one-up" the other's facts. Because to a Christian single guy, "knowing" a girl is the same as figuring out who has a better chance with her. You see, Christians don't call dibs on girls, nor do they play games to determine who gets the first shot. No. Instead we use our "discernment", and silently we agree that so-and-so seems to be hitting it off with the pretty-new-girl so we might as well take a step back.

In other words, we each try and get to know her as much as possible at the exact same time, and then we let her decide who she likes the best.

But the girl. She doesn't know that this is going on. As far as she's concerned she's just entered friendliest group in all the world. She's nice, and she loves to get to know new friends, so she's not afraid of sharing her story or chatting it up with anyone who's willing. But my friends, we are actually playing a very dangerous game here. Our subconscious competition can have some very negative consequences. It's possible she may get into a bad relationship with one of the guys (possibly one who is farthest away from being ready for any sort of relationship), get pushed away from the group entirely, or just not find any growth like she may have originally intended.

Worst of all, drama happen, and no one wants that.

It's for these reasons that I feel the need to point these things out, whether you believe it's true for your group or not, because there are some practical ways we can make sure the new girl can get acclimated appropriately.

First off, guys need to back off. She's not here to find a date, and if she is here to find a date, then no one needs to be dating her for a while anyway.

Hopefully this will leave some room for the other girls to get involved, because instead of single boys migrating to the new girl, it should be the females that are making her feel welcome. Except the girls are always so shy, and it's a weird phenomena to me that girls are afraid of talking to each other. Regardless we need to be pushing the girls to becoming friends with one another, because if it's one thing that I've always seen as a red flag it's the girl who says "Most of my friends are guys. I dunno...I just get along better with boys than I do girls." (but I've mentioned this before)

The girls have probably experienced growth within this community, and if we're a group that challenges others to make the best of their lives and is continually working with them to pursue what God has planned, then it makes sense that the other females attempt to make friends with the new girl. It's that simple. Plus they already know the guys well enough to weed out the douchebags from the authentics, and I for one would rather have a good recommendation then to have to rely on my own words.

Anyway I hope I've made more sense of this topic than I feel I have. I hope that guys are able to check themselves and their hearts before trying to get to know a new girl or to make that connection. Let her get settled first. Let her try out the group and make some friends. Talk to her at appropriate times, but don't be one of the guys who is constantly trying to get to know her as much as possible. I hope that girls are able to spot when the boys are migrating to the new girl and can intervene, out of solidarity, so that they can build better friendships before talking about boys (like we all know you do...at slumber parties...before/after the pillow fights.) I hope that God can work in the new girl's life like he did with the other women of the group, and that she won't just be a potential wife to some lonely boy, but she'll immediately become part of the family that has been created.

Seriously though, back off man, I saw her first!

The Nature of Jealousy

(I haven't posted in a while. Mostly because I've been crazy busy. Building Chalkboards. Running a Video Podcast for my church. Not doing homework. Doing homework. Meetings Meetings Meetings. Bible Studies and Small groups. Etc. Also my computer died over a week ago and after getting repairs I haven't had much time to just sit and write. Excuses aside, I figured I'd start out small to get back into the swing of things.)

The world would make you believe that in relationships there are two types of people: The Jealous Type, and the Non-Jealous Type. (Ok, the world does not really want you to believe that, but for purposes of this post I'm going to stick with that first sentence.) It would seem that most people's advice for jealousy is to simply "not get jealous." Like it were that simple. As if the person hadn't already thought of that before. How often have you ever heard someone start a story like this: "I know I shouldn't be jealous, but..."

There's always a 'but'.

Jealousy is not so cut and dry, in my opinion, and there is no such thing as a non-jealous person. I don't believe that jealousy is a choice, and to tell someone to "not be jealous" is basically telling them to not have any emotions whatsoever. Honestly I'm not sure I've ever met anyone who's told me "I choose to be jealous. I just like it. It keeps me feeling alive." So it confuses me when others talk about shutting it off, like a switch, or even propose that jealousy is wrong; when in actuality it's our response to jealousy that has the potential to be 'wrong' and not the jealousy itself.

Ask yourself, have you ever chosen to be jealous? or does it just come without warning?

It's like temptation, whereas our response could result in sin, but the act of being tempted is beyond our control. Reacting to our jealousy, however, is not necessarily a sin either, depending on how extreme we're talking, but in the majority of normal relationships your succumbing to jealous actions is not going to send you to hell; although it will be very un-beneficial to everyone involved. You could end up hurting a lot of people, including yourself, so keep that in mind.

The main problem with jealousy is not with its incarnation, but lies within the root of said emotion. Most commonly jealousy is the result of our own selfishness. We care so much about another person that we tend to claim them as our own, seeing every outpouring of affection not directed at ourselves as a potential threat pulling them away from us. We idolize our relationships to the point of worship, where nothing else matters, and by putting our identity within these constructs we become afraid of losing that person; essentially putting fuel on the fire before the spark of jealousy can even ignite.

Jealousy preys on our fears like a lioness waiting in the tall grass. She'll be there, always, waiting for your most lonely moment before she strikes, and once the chase begins you may not be able to stop it.

Do not believe you can't fight jealousy. You can. As long as you understand where it is coming from.

In our selfishness we require attention. Our girlfriend/boyfriend then becomes a product that was made for us. It becomes about what she/he can provide me. They are filling a void as a solution for our loneliness. Our selfishness is what gives rise to the majority of our jealousy. It's why you get jealous at a crowded table, when your significant other isn't sitting right next to you, but instead being friendly at the other end with someone of the opposite sex. You worry that they're going to share something you don't have. You start to think about the what ifs. You entertain the idea that they might not even love you anymore, and that's when it becomes just plain stupid.

Because you're too caught up with yourself. You act like you care but you're just being selfish.

(This is a good spot to mention that there is a difference to being selfish and red flags within a relationship. In some cases, even when you've approached the relationship in the right ways, there are moments that you have to be wary, and take notice of the warning signs. There's not time to delve into these differences however, so I'll just save that for another blog post.)

Or maybe you're not even going out yet. Maybe there is no significant other, just a common interest, or you've opened the door to "talking" (whatever you want to call it). At these times we begin to covet what is not ours, or we begin to hoard all these special moments with that person as if it is a matter of life or death. Here our selfishness becomes even more apparent as our jealousy reveals that we've claimed this person as our own without anyone's consent.

Either way you're wrong, because she is not yours, so quit being selfish.

Still believe you don't get jealous? Well perhaps you are like me, and you've been hurt in the past even despite your attempts and never acting on your jealousy, so in subsequent relationships you've decided to approach things differently. You choose to go the opposite direction of selfishness by not giving any sort of special attention. You let them do whatever they want while you keep yourself at a respectable distance, because if you don't get too close you can't get hurt. The problem is that this is just another form of selfishness. Suffice to say you don't really care about this person, and you're being too afraid to get close shows that you care more about your own feelings than their own. You're using them, again, to satisfy your loneliness in various ways, whether it's just having that person as an entity in your life or through physical intimacy, but in any case it has less to do with them and more to do with what you want.

If you haven't gotten jealous, or if you just "choose not to", then I would venture to say that you haven't really been in love, or at least in a semi-healthy relationship.*

Which leads me to believe that some jealousy is actually a good thing. I know that may be controversial, but if you're still with me this far then hear me out. There is, in fact, a positive form of jealousy that I'd like to point out. I call it "recognition".

The moment you recognize the reason that person makes you smile.
The reason they make you laugh.
The reason they make you happy.

It's the recognition of what it is about that person that you like about them so much.

Recognizing the gravity that draws you into their orbit.

Jealousy, in this light, is no longer about what we have to do in order to keep them, or to assure we don't lose them. Instead it is about why we decided to trust them in the first place. It's about why we sacrifice our own selfish desires so that we can find ways to make them happy. It's giving of ourselves, our time, our energy, and our love, while allowing them to subside our fears by replicating the same actions.

Finding a love that works, a relationship worth keeping, doesn't necessarily mean that jealousy goes away. When we get to the root of our jealous nature and turn it around, then our response to jealousy is a recognition of the truth of why we love that person in the first place.

And it makes us smile.

*Which isn't to say that if you've never been in love, or if you're waiting for the right person, that there is anything wrong with that. In fact, more power to you, and I hope you'll never have to deal with the evil sides of jealousy.

Your Weaknesses Within Your Vision

Have you ever had a vision of the future? Has something ever been so engrained in your heart that you had no choice but to see it come to pass? Was it overwhelming? Did you ever wonder how to make it a reality? Where to begin?

I have.

Since 2006 I've had the dream of starting a travelling theatre. Considering this vision hasn't left my heart in five years, I think it's safe to say I'm commited to the idea. Of course over thim this vision has evolved, coming presently to include so much more creative outlets than just theatre, as I struggle with determining how such an organization will look. My other struggle: How will it start?

Well I doubt I've found my answer yet, but it seems that I've been presented with a few interesting opportunities - or challenges - as I like to view them. God has heard my prayer, and has thrown me in the direction of his choosing. Unfortunately for me, this direction involves skills and talents of which I am not used to stretching. Possibly, at the current outlook, and it may be too early to tell, I might become a musician for the upcoming Gateway College band. I will audition for piano and drums, both I have dabbled in but are far from my forte. I will also audition as a singer, which I have trained in since at least fourth grade, but this does not worry me as much as the other two. Again it is too early to say definitely, but I am preparing myself none-the-less. To make matters even more interesting - I've signed up for four art classes this next semester, another one of my many endeavors, but still one that remains a rarely used hobby. I am barely adequate in all these areas.

Yet I've expressed interest in doing them, have I not? At times I've always assumed they would be a part of my life, even a part of my vision, but those assumptions were accompanied with the idea that I wouldn't need them until the appointed time - when the vision was ready to come to fruition. "No," God is telling me, "That's not how it works."

You see instead of continued work on the talents I'm already pursuing with a passion, God is giving me a chance to develop the skills of mine that have been asleep, dormant, or otherwise neglected. He knows that I've always wanted to pursue these things, among others, except I have long ago given up on these possible exploits; choosing instead to leave them to people much more talented than me - like my brother, the guitarist, for instance. He knows that if I'm going to stretch my creative mind in all areas of my interest, then it is time for me to put in the work towards those which I am weakest. He's telling me to start here. I need to prove that I can put in the time. I need to stop being lazy. I need to grow or the vision will never come true.

Where are the areas that you are weakest? What skills of yours have you been neglecting? What talents of yours need stretching? Need improvement?

In the creative world we tend to wear many hats. Though each of us can find a niche, or a focus, that doesn't mean it is all we are capable of; that it is all God has gifted us with. As creatives we are called to express the unexpressable through art, and art has many mediums - some better suited for the task than others. If we leave on one hat for too long, or wear only a couple the majority of the time and leave the others on the hook, we may never be proficient enough to implement our ideas to other mediums. Unless we are capable of stretching all areas available to us, we may let some rather good ideas go to waste elsewhere, or otherwise not used at all. There is, of course, the option of surrounding ourselves with other creatives that have chosen your less pursued focuses, but this is a rarity and is not always available to most of us. So maybe it's time to pinpoint a weakness in one of your abilities, and to take steps to progress within them.

Find the areas of interest that you've shown promise, but have otherwise neglected. I'm not talking about the things that you've never cared about or, for lack of better terms, completely sucked at, but those that you know you have the capabilities of pulling off. Stick to your specialties, your career path, or whatever is included in your vision. If you are still unsure, follow your heart, and if it is pleasurable, I'm sure you are on the right track.

This may not apply only to creatives.

If you are a cook wanting to start a restaurant, but know nothing about business, then maybe you could take a class.

If you are a nurse who dreams of going overseas, but doesn't know another language, then perhaps you could enter a program.

If you are an engineer with a vision of creating a new jet to allow us to enter space casually, but knows nothing about avionics, or space, well then maybe you could get a book or two. (and tell me when you have a prototype.)

Ok. Maybe that last one isn't so likely. But I hope I'm communicating myself well enough. If you have a vision that requires you to know a little more about the areas in which you are weak, then before you can pursue anything you should probably start there. Think about it. Pray about it. What talents of yours are still asleep? What hats do you own are collecting dust? I challenge you to develop these, and see what doors and opportunities open themselves up to you and your future.

As for me, it is imperitive to my vision that I be able to call myself a musician, among other things. Music has been such an integral part to my past, present, and future that I could never imagine leaving it alone. It has weighed on my heart to write songs and to discover new ways of creating music, but as a singer alone it has proven difficult to explore such possibilities. So my weakness, as well as the areas of which I've shown a little talent, in drumming and piano I want to start developing now. Even if I should not find myself doing these in the band I want to pursue them further. I will put in the work and the time. I want to become more than adequate in these and as an artist. I will stretch these to a capacity that will allow them to be used once my vision is ready to come to pass.

God willing, there will be more weaknesses that show themselves before that time.

Born Ready

For the New Year I decided I wouldn't focus on resolutions or goals. Not that I don't have objectives for the next year, but I just don't want to think in those terms. I don't want another list of new habits. I don't want to track my successes or failures. I don't want to erase the past or focus solely on the future. I just want to be me. The me that I should be.

So instead of goals I'm asking myself: What story do I want to write?

When I think of a story, as a writer, I automatically think of characters first. As opposed to plot, conflict, or setting, my primary focus is always character. Who is the protagonist? What does he want? What are his relationships? What is he like?

This last one is always the hardest for me to describe. Mostly because I'm just bad at it, but partly because I hate doing it. My problem is I can't straightforwardly describe a character. I don't think it's that simple. I can't summarize a character because people can't be summarized. We are multi-faceted. The description changes depending on what point-of-view, what lens, what direction you choose to look at them. So I can't just write the characteristics. I have to write the scenarios. I have to give the character situations and circumstances. I have to see their reaction.

Because I realized that the best way to understand a character is to know how they would respond.

As I'm thinking about the story I want to write, I'm inadvertently thinking about the character I want to be, so I think about my favorite characters in films, books, or TV series. The best stories, my favorite stories, are character driven. The story, the plot, the conflict, all come from within the characters. It is not about the situation they're in or what is going on around them, but it is about the character's response. Without response there would be no journey. I conclude that this is exactly how I'm supposed to be writing my story.

For years I've been asking myself the question: Who am I?
For months I've been struggling with this issue if identity. Not only do I analyze myself, but I constantly worry about how others see me. I put pressure on myself to continue searching, to understand who I am so that I can be ready for what God wants me to do; whatever the future is. I tell myself that until I know who I am I can't possibly be of any use. I'm no good. I gotta keep fixing things so that I'm no longer a walking disaster.

But the characters I'm drawn to don't do that. They don't sit around at coffee shops for hours contemplating their purpose. They don't read non-fiction inspirational books, perusing each individual line, highlighting phrases or sentences to try and apply to their life. My favorite characters are cocky. Not egotistical but confident in their abilities, talents, or gifts; sometimes over-confident, but I prefer that to sheer arrogance. They may not know exactly who they are, but they know what they believe. Others may not know who they are, but if they stick around long enough they will see it through the character's response to certain situations. That's what my favorite characters do. They respond. Decidedly.

I want to find myself in situations in which I can respond.

If I have to use the term, that would be my resolution, but overall this is the story that I want to start writing.

Except I was left with another complication: How? I can't go looking for trouble. I can't just respond for the sake of responding; because response is about reaction, choice, and fear of the unknown. I had to let the situations find me, and allow the obstacles to come of their own accord. When you know that authentic response can't be pursued you find that you're stuck waiting, and I didn't want to be stuck waiting; because that's what I was doing before. I was tired of preparing. I didn't care if I wasn't ready for my purpose, but I didn't want to just sit around and do nothing anymore. That's not who I am. So today, after days of thinking about this, I did something strange.

I asked God to pick me up and throw me exactly where He wants me to go.

Now that's a scary thought. "Hey God, just throw me...oh...and one more thing...don't tell the elf." I didn't hesitate, I wanted him to do it, and I didn't think twice. All at once I was invigorated, nervous, anxious, and excited. Even if I don't know where I need to be, I'm pretty sure that He does, and I'm pretty confident that wherever I land I'll be forced to respond; in fact, that's exactly what I'm counting on. I no longer want to speak about who I am or what I want to be, but I want to show it. I want my re-actions to speak for themselves. I want to respond to situations, miniscule or life changing, and allow that to say who I am and what I believe in. If I don't like the response, then I change it, and next time respond accordingly. Not because I'm worried about being accepted or because I'm afraid of what people think.

True nature is exposed when characters are forced to respond.

My only hope is that when God picks me up, before He throws me, that He holds me there for a second. That He reminds me, in that moment, just how much He loves me and cherishes me. That He would believe in me and reassure me that I was made for this. I'm capable, because He made sure of that when He created me, and even if I fail, His son will be there to hold me accountable - as long as I'm listening.

On The World as Your Oyster

(Disclaimer: I actually combined two posts into one for this. Not too sure how I feel about it as there was much to be said, but I suppose that will have to wait until my writing gets better and for future blog posts. I'm hoping to do as much writing this year as possible so I can get back to where I want to be with my words.)

This holiday season was pretty random. I woke up on Christmas Eve after a long week of deliberation, and finally decided that I would drive home. I spent the eve on the road and in parking lots reading the three musketeers as my 25th birthday began. I never intended to stay in angleton another two days. Nor did I plan on driving straight to San Antonio for another two days for some quality time with my sister. I was excited to find by the end of the week that I had participated in a lot of good conversation.

I spoke with a friend I hadn't seen since high school about spiritual darkness, evangelism, film making, creativity, and other various topics.

I heard stories of my best friend's time in training for the U.S. Army, and finally got to meet his son.

My brother-in-law and I shared opinions on the bible, spiritual gifts, and church backgrounds until about two in the morning.

Conversation - I've learned time and again - is where I thrive. I could spend days in a room or coffee shop, immersed with my own thoughts, contemplating various things about life, but I find that most of it will mean nothing unless I can share these thoughts with someone. Conversation is why God created other human beings, because being alone with our thoughts can only go so far. I'm not saying that God didn't have some amazing conversation with Adam as they walked through the garden of eden, but how can you share discovery with the creator himself? Life is meant to be a journey with one another as we struggle together through uncharted territory, and I think God understood that when he made Eve.

The past year I've been trying to open the door for more and more conversation with individuals. I want to hear what people have to say on certain topics. I want to discover more about a person as they tell their story. I want to give them a hint of what goes on within my mind and to witness their response. Most of all I want to connect with individuals as we continue to inspire one another with our journey through life.

Cause what's a journey if you don't sometimes encounter someone to relate to them what you've seen, heard, or did - to learn from - to challenge - to encourage.

I recently failed two classes this past semester of college. It was mostly from my lack of doing any work while outside of class; which I fully accept the consequences for. While I was in class, however, I learned a whole lot, and I loved every second that I could gather information. Years back I had an argument with a co-worker about the importance of college. He seemed to believe that college/university was a necessary part of life if one ever intended on moving forward or being educated; and I wholeheartedly disagree.

It's not that I don't value the importance of college. I see it for what it's worth. I just don't think it should be labeled as necessary.

College succeeds in one area for those who are striving. In my opinion the best thing college does is force the student to think. Without college some people would never think to ask questions, or be challenged to seek out the answers. University was intended to focus these thought processes into majors, to spur on the conversation long enough for the student to end up with sufficient knowledge, and to reward that effort with a degree in that field.

But what if you were to do this on your own? What if you could ask questions of yourself and others? To seek out the answers and to strive to gather as much information as you could on the subject?

Is this not what the ancient Greek philosophers began to do amongst themselves?

They would think, test, write, and discuss. It was a cycle that kept evolving as they continually challenged themselves and opened up conversations with one another about the possibilities the world had to offer. To them the world was a classroom, and they were each others teachers.

I do believe students forget this at times. They get so caught up in their studies with school and the menial amount of work it requires, and they forget to learn from life itself. They never have time enough to sit down with their own thoughts, discover their own knowledge of the subjects they are pursuing, or even to listen to what is going on around them. Or when they do have time they spend it on facebook.

What could we do though if we spent more time in conversation?

Not just any conversation, but deep meaningful conversation.

I'm not suggesting we give up college. In this day and age it is important to have a system that forces young people to think and to learn. I'm only suggesting we take more time to think for ourselves. To challenge one another with these thoughts and to present them to those around us. To listen to the opinions of others and to gather information to further our knowledge from those said opinions, theories, or even truths.

Even better, I'm suggesting that we share our lives with each other. That we laugh together. We become vulnerable. We express our failures as much as we express our successes. We learn to accept each other wholeheartedly with each of our flaws. I vote that we conversate with as many people as possible this new year. That we share our passions, knowledge, and love with one another in order to balance out the stress that is university or career.

Let conversation drive you into deeper understanding.
Let it bring you closer to one another.
Let it push you further along your journey.
Let it fill your hearts and minds at once.